How to achieve balance as a mother of a newborn and a child

When you get pregnant for the first time, all are doubts and uncertainty, but when you get pregnant for the second time, it is possible that those doubts are different, but even more intense. When you get used to raising just one child and suddenly get pregnant again, you may wonder how you can manage to properly care for both of you.

You may wonder if you can be a good mother of two, or at least the same as you were when you were the mother of one. But yes, you can be. You need to find a balance between the physical needs of the baby and the emotional needs of your firstborn child. You will not feel that your love is divided, because the love of a mother multiplies.

It may take a while to find your balance, but don’t despair because a little chaos at first is the most common. It may take a few months or even half a year, but there are many factors that can help you find success in this new life that enters your family. Discover some secrets to balancing your new life with a newborn and with a toddler (preschool age).

Accept help

As much as you like to think that you can do it all, you can’t. No one, realistically, can do everything without something going wrong or forgetting about so many other things. You can accept the help of your family, for example, taking care of your first-born a few hours a day, to be able to have a break. Or on the contrary, that they take care of your baby so that you can have more freedom.

It is important that you accept the help that they offer you, whether it is to make you hot food, a time to hold the baby or to entertain your children so that you can take a shower or go to the kitchen alone for a few minutes to have a hot tea. Don’t forget these words: ‘Yes’, ‘Please’ and ‘Thank you very much’.

Ask for help

But it’s just as important to accept help as it is to ask for it when you need it. You may not have overly altruistic people around you, or they may not realize that you really need help. For this reason, don’t be shy and ask directly if they could help you out at certain times. Forget your shyness; don’t let it taste bad.

Call your mother or your mother-in-law and tell her that you need a break and that you need someone to go buy you milk or whatever else you need, or come home to take care of your children while you go to the quiet store to clear your mind. If your partner is not helping you enough, have a conversation with him because when you are a father, there are no ‘bits of help’, they are obligations that both of you must fulfil because you are both parents. Help comes from abroad, but in a family, the couple should not help each other, they should be complemented!

Schedule time with your older child

This may be a bit more difficult for you to achieve, at least at first (or if you have more than two children). Talk to your partner and other family members so they can take care of your newborn for a little time so you can have time with your older child, remember that he needs you a lot too.

It is crucial to do this because your child will remember when mom had a baby and when she was not given the attention she needed… And this is totally avoidable. So make sure you spend time with your older child and show him how your love is just as strong and will continue to grow every day of your life. You don’t need to do anything special, sometimes hugging your child on the couch is more than enough to connect with him.

The Influence On Children And Adolescents Through Emotional Connection

Setting limits can be an exhausting task for parents, and even a thankless task, but it is a perfect opportunity to strengthen the connection with the children while nurturing their growth. One of the most important tasks is to teach children to be in the world and to know how to behave appropriately, being a healthy person both physically and mentally… And to do this, influence is needed.

There are different ways to influence behavior, but not all of them will work the way you would like them to. Children naturally want to make their parents happy and proud of them, but it is also important that they learn, experiment, and develop their own mind and critical thinking.

When children and adolescents do things that are below the expectations of adults, it can be for different reasons, such as:

  • They are expected to do something that they are not ready for based on their developmental development (such as three-year-old sharing toys just by telling them)
  • You are experiencing the world and its limits (something normal and healthy)
  • You are experiencing your independence and showing your identity
  • You are angry or embarrassed about having to get approval
  • There are no clear rules
  • The adult’s response can influence or alienate you emotionally

Building influence through emotional connection

Children who are emotionally connected to their parents are more likely to measure their behavior based on their response.

Children, when they find unconditional support in their parents, will be more likely to seek their advice as they grow, to express their opinions and also, they will allow the emotional connection they have with their parents to influence the development of their own values. In addition, when there is a good emotional connection with parents, children, and adolescents will have less need to lie or keep secrets to avoid consequences or reproaches from their parents.

Beware of punishments

Using punishment, criticism, or shame to influence children’s behavior weakens the emotional connection between you. Rather than building their willingness to participate, listen, and learn from you, strict rules and harsh punishments are more likely to create anger and resentment, leaving children feeling misunderstood or disappointed.

The strict rules and harsh consequences will likely make kids do whatever they want, but without you knowing. What happens is that your behavior will be created to avoid negative consequences instead of having an intrinsic motivation to do the right thing. You will change your behavior to avoid problems, rather than changing your attitudes or thoughts, and even your feelings, about what you are doing. Therefore, they will not be learning the true values.

When there are too many rules or those that are not understood, there is less chance that children and adolescents will be able to think for themselves. This will make them not worry about their behavior, nor will they be interested in knowing why some rules are important to living with family or in society.

Not setting rules doesn’t work either.

Being too permissive is not correct either, because then they will not have your guidance or the security of knowing what is expected of them. Children and adolescents who are given less guidance and more freedom than they can handle will be detrimental to their development. Overly permissive parents often try to influence behavior by using gifts or bribes. Although there is nothing wrong with a positive consequence (after football you can go for ice cream), it should never be used as a direct consequence to redirect misbehavior (if you stop hitting your brother, you can play longer to the tablet).

If there are no clear and consistent boundaries in children’s education, the emotional connection can be seriously undermined. Children need limits to be able to work on their own opportunities for children to develop self-control and discipline; otherwise… they will not be able to achieve it.